5 Types of Nerds I Met At Virtual Speed Dating for Nerds – Satire

You would think it would be easier to date as a nerd. Nerd Culture is now Pop Culture, but still, it’s just as hard as before.  On your quest for love, you may run into a new dating trend, which is really a revamped trend: Nerd Speed Dating. It’s regular speed dating just for nerds.  Also, this was during the pandemic…it was all through Zoom. Curious? So was I, so I tried it.  During my experience, I realized that there are different kinds of nerds who attend Nerd Speed Dating. Interestingly, these types all remind me of characters from comics.

So, to give you a better understanding, here are the 5 types of Nerd Speed Daters as comic book characters.

Note: This is satirical, and it is also not gender-specific.
Though when I attended it was the night for those looking for a heterosexual relationship.

The Mysterious Type: Nightwing

See the source imageThis type of nerd speed dater has a mysterious aura that draws you in. They are good-looking but their expressive eyes show something more. Is it a dark past, family trauma, a broken heart?  You don’t know, but you sense there is a romantic underneath all the edge. Otherwise, why would they be here? The mysterious speed dater doesn’t give detailed answers and asks the standard speed dating question. Their humor is a bit sarcastic and dry but when they smile your heart flutters. At most you’ll exchange Instagram names. Hopefully liking all their deep quotes will get you a date.

The Arrogant Type: Green Arrow

See the source imageThis type can also be known as an “Alpha Nerd” or “Nerd Purist.” If you think you’re a nerd, you’re wrong. They have seen all of the animes. Yes, all of them. Uses the phrase, “you probably never heard of it,” a lot. They need you to prove that you are a nerd.  So most of your speed dating time will be a quiz, and whether you pass the quiz or not, you are still not nerd enough for them. The remaining time will be used to talk about their podcast that breaks down the religious subtext in Attack on Titan. They don’t think you’ll get it but you should still give it a listen.  Also, don’t forget to follow the Twitter account for the pod.

The Normal Type: Beast Boy

See the source imageThis is your everyday nerd.  They are usually an introvert but their friends made them come. Their speed dating attire: a suit jacket paired with a graphic tee, and a messenger bag covered in buttons/pins. The Tanjirō speed dater is sweet, a bit shy, and optimistic. You chat about what shows got you into anime and what conventions have you been to. They show you pictures of them in cosplay as All Might and you show him yours as Yusuke Urameshi. They are impressed. The normal speed dater suggests maybe going for some authentic Japanese ramen next time, but before you can exchange info the buzzer goes off.

The Pervy Type: Shazam

See the source imageThis speed dater is like the normal type but with a twist. Is it a pleasant twist? That is for you to decide. The Ecchi type wants to know if you have anime tattoos, if so where? Frequent user of the phrases, “that’s so hot” and “that’s what she/he said.” Their favorite animes are Gantz, Bikini Warriors, and Rosario + Vampire. They joke about how they really envy Tsukune.  You agree but you don’t laugh too hard because you don’t want to send the wrong vibe. Unless it is your vibe, then laugh really hard.  The Ecchi speed dater would really love to see you again. They feel an instant connection. Before the buzzer goes off, you apologize because you really need to use the bathroom.

The Experienced Type: Ra’s Al Ghul

See the source imageThis nerdy speed dater is a bit older.  With that age comes financial stability and the eagerness to settle down. They make you feel comfortable but intimidated at the same time.  They are a mixture of smooth talk and cheesy jokes. The Experienced type knows classics like Akira, Ghost in the Shell, and Slayer. They have seen the 90s anime hype with the “Big 3” and try to stay up to date with current animes.  It’s just hard to do when they are working a full-time job. This speed dater may use the phrases, “you’re still a baby,” and “It’s different when you’re older.”  These phrases may turn you off. They brag about having gone to Japan but would really love to go with someone special.  Is that you? Is that someone else? Who knows?  You exchange business cards anyways.

These are just some of the types of nerds you will encounter during Nerd Speed Dating.  There are many kinds of daters out there but one of them may be your perfect match. What dater are you? What type do you typically go for? Let us know!

Good Luck on your journey to love.


About Yali Perez

When she's not writing about anime for Funimation, pop culture for Fandom Spotlite, sharing emotional editorials on Renegade Media, or talking about makeup on the YMUB Podcast, she is a single mom to the coolest kid in the world. In Yali's free time she likes to bake, exercise, watch Korean Variety shows, and read cheesy erotica. Yali's goal as a writer is to share her nontraditional and colorful view of the world with readers everywhere.

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