#$@%& the rules!
#$@%& the dean!
#$@%& the college!
#$@%& the plot!
#$@%& your film snobbery!
At this point, I know you, dear reader. I know you only care about films released by The Criterion Collection, even though (like me) you have no idea how to navigate their menus. I know when you go out to eat you only dine at places where they make you wear a tie and a jacket. In addition, I wouldn’t be adventurous to make a bet if you actually use the proper fork for each part of the meal. I know you and understand you. Heck, some might even say I empathize with you. Yet, I also know that (like me) when you grab the lobster pick and your snail tongs you cut a silent but deadly fart in that nice restaurant. I also know you had the audacity to let others blame their dining partners for your abominable vapor winds. The worst part, still, is you won’t admit you laughed at the hideous deed, you horrible haughty fondue fork.
Why am I calling you out? I’m doing this for the simple fact that before you even read one word of this (awesome) article, you admit, right now, when you saw the title of this movie, immediately you thought it was KING FART, and not FRAT, you pompous grapefruit spoon. You judged the book by its cover and I must call you out for it. Just know, though, I don’t blame you 100%, given the movie’s official title actually is KING #$%&*@ FRAT (and in some markets as actually KING #$%&*@ FART) but still, the sheer arrogance of your assumptions is what bothers me.
Yes, this is an Animal House rip-off. Yes, there is a theme song sung by Penny Alemian Yes, there is literally a massive fart rivalry between on-campus fraternities. The realities of this two-in-a-half course meal are nothing matters if you won’t look beyond your own imperious demeanor and give this film a chance.
If you are one of the readers who recognize sometimes you have to eat a sloppy, greasy burger from Captain Ned’s Fish ‘n’ Chips to understand how miraculous a five-star grass-fed bison burger (served bloody rare) tastes, then KING #$%&*@ FRAT is the midnight snack you’ve been craving. Directed by Ken Wiederhorn (who went on to give us great classics as Meatballs, Part II and Return of the Living Dead, Part II) and starring the great Belushi rip-off John DiSanti, KING #$%&*@ FRAT was a respectable (maybe) drive-in classic that gave the audience what it really wanted: a movie to play in the background while real shenanigans happened. If you do pay attention, though, it has everything you could ever want, including:
- Fart contests – ✓
- Butthole deans – ✓
- Belches – ✓
- Inflatable girlfriends – ✓
- The kitchen sink – ✓
- Students who attend a college and never seem to go to class – ✓
- A stolen dead body from a funeral – ✓
- People making whoopee in an ambulance – ✓✓✓✓✓✓✓✓✓✓✓✓✓✓✓
You can find KING #$%&*@ FRAT on pretty much every single streaming service, from Tubi to YouTube, as often the film is considered public domain, yet it actually isn’t. Don’t feel bad, as none of the cast or crew are desperately searching for their royalty checks (although they should)! Will you find KING #$%&*@ FRAT on a Criterion Blu-Ray at your local Barnes and Noble anytime soon? Probably not. I’m not sure why. If they can offer up a crappy happy meal order like The Red Shoes, then why (why I say) can’t we have a seven-course buffet from Criterion of KING #$%&*@ FRAT? I’m talking about a 4K Blu-Ray special edition, with an audio commentary By King Wiederhorn and a very special feature on how Star Wars’ sound designer Ben Burtt was jealous of this film’s 3.2 stank surround sounds.
Until The Criterion Collection corrects this wrong, grab yourself some warm luncheon meat with a spork, add a little ketchup on the side (as well as a hunk of government American cheese), and stream the ultimate 1K grainy copy of a copy of a copy of KING #$%&*@ FART… er, I mean, KING #$%&*@ FRAT.
