Bubbles and Beyond: The Robot Monster Will Get You!

Robot Monster (Astor Pictures, 1953). Lobby Card (11" X 14"). | Lot #54372  | Heritage Auctions

Alright, let’s begin with some understanding. One: I don’t like that you hate this movie based on the title alone (you judgmental film snob turd!). Secondly: I don’t care if this movie was made for $16,000 and therefore the cast came with their own clothes to the set. Thirdly: You’re still a film snob, because even now you’re still judging the title (I can’t stand you!). Fourthly, and finally: This movie should be on the shelf beside The Life and Emile Zola and The Great Ziegfeld as forgotten movies worthy of an Oscar statue.

At a slim, perfectly timed 62 minutes, director Phil Tucker (who went on to give us such classics like Dance Hall Racket and The Cape Carnival Monsters) destroyed the world thanks to a monster in a homemade gorilla suit, plastic human skull, and a helmet that looks like a 1971 TR-005 Panasonic “Flying Saucer” TV. I think Billy Shakespeare said it best “beauty is bought by judgment of the eye” and I say “Shut up and take my money!” Filmed in a tight four days in 1953, Tucker had no idea that he would be giving the world a spectacle of sheer madness worthy of any Golden Turkey Award. In fact, Robot Monster is so good I say fie (fie I say!) to the Golden Turkey award. I want to make my own award in this film’s honor and give this slice of cinema cake the Rhodium Can of SPAM award for most outstanding feature with an alien RO-MAN!

Do you care what the plot is? Do you need a single detail when you get a title like… Oh, that’s right, I’m talking to a film snob. Okay, so basically a robot/human/monkey/bubble fiend invades Earth (shocker!) and is foiled when bad parents let their child wander off into the desert.  Does he save the day? Will Earth be released from the bowels of destruction? Will I need to get more Scandinavian Red Snappers before the hour and two minutes are up (I can’t afford Swedish Fish so shut up)? At the very end, it appears it was all a dream and Patrick Duffy says ‘Good morning,” while in the shower. In a nutshell, the plot matters as much as an underwater fart bubble from a Blobfish. All you need to know is the film is astonishing and I need you to stop reading this insignificant article to watch this significant celluloid monolith.

A few important facts I think are worthy of mentioning. Not only was this a small independent production, which brings its own nightmares, but the film was also actually shot in 3D. Robot Monster brought in an impressive $1,000,000 in revenue, earning 62% of its budget back. Even by Hollyweird standards today this would be an impressive feat. The film also was one of the earliest scores by conductor Elmer Bernstein, who would go on to score films like The Magnificent Seven and Ghostbusters to name a few.

You can find this little gem on any public domain DVD bin dump find or any streaming service is known to man, but it is hard to find the 3D version officially. Thank the Lord for internet nerds, though, as countless YouTube hosts have converted this classic to 3D (although not as good as it was in ‘53).

So look up towards the sky, grab some bubble toys from your local dollar store, and give Robot Monster the chance it so rightly deserves (away from your film snobbery).  Don’t be like Billy Shakespeare when he said “I would not have given it for a wilderness of monkeys!”


About Ian Klink

As a filmmaker, writer, and artist, Ian Klink’s work includes the feature film Anybody’s Blues, his thesis film adaptation of Stephen King’s The Man Who Would Not Shake Hands, the novel Lucky for Newfangle Press, and he has written short stories for Weren't Another Way to Be: Outlaw Fiction Inspired by Waylon Jennings, The Creeps, Vampiress Carmilla, The Siren’s Call, and Chilling Tales For Dark Nights audio cast. Klink shares his talents as a teacher of multimedia studies in Pennsylvania.

View all posts by Ian Klink

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